These is My Words: The Diary of Sarah Agnes Prine, 1881-1901 by Nancy E. Turner

These is My Words:  The Diary of Sarah Agnes Prine, 1881-1901

Nancy E. Turner   

Published 1998    

American Historical Fiction

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Back in the day when I was able to freely peruse my library (as I am no longer permitted to enter unless I muzzle myself, which I won't), I found this little gem in the used book sale corner. It turned out to be a pleasant surprise. 

I initially thought this was a completely true story, but it is more like historical fiction; however, the author did use a family memoir (written by her great-grandfather, I think), for the setting and plot, and her great-grandmother as the model for the main character, Sarah Prine, filling in missing information with a charmingly creative imagination. 

These is My Words took place in the 1880-90s, the pioneer days of the American Southwest, and followed one young woman's life in the Arizona Territories with her family and into her young adulthood with a family of her own. 

At the introduction, Sarah Prine is a somewhat inexperienced 17-year old. She had just learned to write and was the reason she decided to keep a diary of her family's journey. Challenges and loses forced them to remain in the Arizona Territories where they lived in constant danger of nature, wild animals, banditos, and Native American attacks. Nonetheless, Sarah proved to be a tough young woman who knew how to ride a horse and handle a rifle. 

Sarah Prine was an extremely vivid, determined, and unyielding character that I often thought about when I was not reading the book. I was eager to return to the story to find out what happened next. She is genuine and animated and like a familiar acquaintance. Her memory will stay with me forever, I suppose.

There was much hardship, disappointment, danger, and suffering throughout the story. At times, it was so heartbreaking, I could not avoid crying, which is not something I do easily when reading a book. But such adversities were frequent and commonplace then and there, and women and mothers must endure these trials with steel courage and enduring hardiness, or loose their minds, which did happen. 

There is also a romance in the story that made me blush. Ok, I blush easily. Captain Jack's love for Sarah is sweet and tender and hers is fiery and protective, just like her character. Their relationship was full of conflict at first, and Sarah did not see it coming; meanwhile, Turner kept it comical for the reader: 

I looked down under [my blanket] and I was only wearing some long drawers and my old camisole, the one that is bursting full of me on the top and had come untied in the bargain, and what a fine sight I was, freezing cold and my hair all around my shoulders, and I started to cry again. I am ruined.

Sh-sh, [Capt. Jack] says. There's no wrong done in a good cry, and I was beginning to wonder if you ever did. I would never hurt you, he says. And as long as no one knows, no one is ruined. Besides, it would be much more of a shame to be ruined by a rumor than by truth, and then he slipped out of my wagon and away in the foggy morning. 

And that was only the beginning. 

Anyway, it was a really great read, and there are two more books in a series that follow this one. Also, Hamlet, I thought of you while reading this, and if you have not read it, yet, this is definitely your style. 

Letters of a Woman Homesteader by Elinore Pruitt Stewart

Letters of a Woman Homesteader 

Elinore Pruitt Stewart 

Published 1914

American Memoir

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In the early 1900s, Elinore Pruitt lost her husband in a railroad accident and found work as a housecleaner and laundress to support herself and her two-year old daughter, Jerrine. Dissatisfied with her circumstances, and that others were raising her daughter, she decided to try something more challenging and adventurous...homesteading. She took up housekeeping for a cattleman, Mr. Clyde Stewart, on his ranch in Wyoming, and she wrote about her amazing experiences in letters to her former employer; her letters were later published in this book. 

You may wonder what could possibly be intriguing about letters from a woman homesteader, but this story and how it was told is so satisfying; I shall remember it as one of my favorite reads this year.  

Elinore had a love of nature, a strong disposition, and an honest and candid character, providing excellent storytelling, amusing and full of life. She intended to prove that a woman could live an independent, self-sufficient, resourceful and fulfilling life via ranching. She desired to be an example and encouragement to all women willing to try it.

One of the reasons I wanted to read this was to get perspective from another woman who lived far from civilization -- and Elinore did -- to compare it to my last read, Caroline, by Sarah Miller, in which the author imagined Caroline Ingalls battling burdensome feelings of loneliness. In this true account, Elinore proclaimed that she had so much work to do that she did not have time to dwell on her inner thoughts, including those of self-pity or loneliness. She also said, 

To me, homesteading is the solution of all poverty's problems, but I realize that temperament has much to do with success in any undertaking, and persons afraid of coyotes and work and loneliness had better let ranching alone. At the same time, any woman who can stand her own company, can see beauty of the sunset, loves growing things, and is willing to put in as much time at careful labor as she does over the washtub, will certainly succeed; will have independence, plenty to eat all the time, and a home of her own in the end. 

 

Elinore was a good neighbor, especially considering that her neighbors were miles and miles away, often compounded by bad weather, dangerous terrain, and occasional threats of wild animals and bands of thieves; but this never hindered her. She recalled interesting, joyous, and sometimes terrifying stories about tending to people living in the wild, providing company for them, and caring for their needs.

She explained:

I can think of nothing that would give me more happiness than to bring the West and its people to others who could not otherwise enjoy them. If I could only take them from whatever is worrying them and give them this bracing mountain air, glimpses of the scenery, a smell of the pines and the sage, - if I could only make them feel the free, ready sympathy and hospitality of these frontier people, I am sure their worries would diminish and my happiness would be complete.

She also suffered personal heartbreak and disappointment, though always maintained courage and perseverance. She was grateful for her many blessings. 

When you think of me, you must think of me as one who is truly happy. It is true, I want a great many things I haven't got, but I don't want them enough to be discontented and not enjoy the many blessing that are mine. 

It has always been a theory of mine that when we become sorry for ourselves we make our misfortunes harder to bear, because we lose courage and can't think without bias; so I cast about me for something to be glad about...

Do you wonder I am so happy? When I think of it all, I wonder how I can crowd all my joy into one short life.  

It must be noted that years later she admitted to her employer that she "hastily" married Mr. Stewart, fearing that it would appear to diminish her independence and self-sufficiency. However, if I included the results of the work that she proudly was responsible, you would agree that she had proved herself quite capable. 

I just love to experiment, to work, and to prove out things, so that ranch life and "roughing it" just suit me.

Is this book for you?

If you enjoy adventurous stories of pioneers, the American West, and independent women, and you do not mind reading in epistolary format, then this book is for you. Heads up: the language reflects Elinore's time period and may be considered offensive to some readers. There is also a letter describing a meeting with Mormons, which may also be offensive. I think Elinore was intent on witnessing to them, but it did not turn out very well. Other than that, you will experience the full range of life's emotions, shared by a God-honoring, good neighborly woman. And it won't disappoint one page, I promise.

But when you get among such grandeur you get to feel how little you are and how foolish is human endeavor, except that which reunites us with the mighty force called God.

Caroline: Little House, Revisited by Sarah Miller

  

Caroline Little House, Revisited  

Sarah Miller  

Published 2017

Historical Fiction

Little House-athon 2018

⭐⭐⭐

Caroline, by Sarah Miller, is Little House on the Prairie, as if told by Laura Ingalls Wilder's mother, Caroline Ingalls. It seemed like a great idea to rewrite the story from Caroline's position, but I felt like I was reading about what I would have thought, or another 21st century woman, on the road with the typically preoccupied husband. Also, Miller shared a little too much info, otherwise known as TMI.

For example, the author did not shy away from every day realities, like the latrine, something Laura Ingalls Wilder excluded from her stories. Miller described the feminine products Caroline had to make for herself and the messy details as to why, after Caroline delivered baby Carrie.

In this perspective, Caroline was deeply introspective -- much more than I imagined the self-denying, exceptionally decent, and morally upstanding Caroline of the Little House series. But in this version, we hear only Caroline's voice, and it is rather contemporary. Often times she had the attitude of a helpless young girl -- inadequate, lamentable, and forlorn.

This Caroline pitied herself because she could not build something as long lasting as Charles did, like a house. She felt sorry for herself; she felt lonely.

That was what she had been missing while Charles was away. Not her husband's company, but the chance to share her own. The girls had their games and giggles, the men their brash hijinks (speaking of their bachelor neighbor, Mr. Edwards). Caroline had only herself. 

 She complained that she did not have choices, but Charles did.

It was only that he had these chances to unhitch himself from everything, and she did not. There was never the extravagance of an afternoon all to herself...

Envy, pure and simple, and nothing she said to herself would snuff the resentful flicker in her throat. 

When Charles rushed back to the house after fifty wolves were at his heels, and after he caught his breath, he said to Caroline,

I was glad you had the gun, Caroline, and glad the house is built. I knew you could keep the wolves out of the house, with the gun. But Pet and the foal were outside.

Caroline bridled so suddenly the fear fell right out of her. Why had he gone off at all if he had reason to worry about the stock? Did it never occur to Charles that it might behoove them all to worry about himself now and again?  Perhaps he would remember that the next time he took it into his head to trot off toward the horizon.

Smartly, Caroline suggested they would eat dinner in the house, but Charles contradicted her and said it was not necessary because Jack (their dog) would give them enough warning. And to herself Caroline remarked,

If they ate inside there would be no need of warning, but she did not bother saying so. That sort of logic held no sway with Charles. 

Charles maintained a cavalier attitude about the Indians taking the cornmeal, which Caroline had to stretch and feed to her family; he did not consider the long trip to Independence to replace the things the Indians took a burden (at least for himself). Naturally, Caroline was indignant.

And this too: Caroline stewed over Charles's chastisement of Mary and Laura because they considered releasing their dog while the Indians were in the house (though they kept the dog chained, after all). Caroline thought: "What did he expect moving his family into Indian Territory? They were smarter than he gave them credit."

In a place like this, there could be no room for blind obedience. It was all the more dangerous to render them more wary of upsetting their pa than of the Indians. Their fear would guard them -- if only Charles would leave them free to obey it. 

Caroline considered in her mind how Charles could and would do nothing about the Indians in the house, although his silence on the matter was frustrating. He held no malice toward any man or beast, until they proved otherwise; therefore, he justified leaving Caroline and the girls home alone.

Immediately after that conflict, she felt selfish and spiteful toward Charles, and she wallowed in how he was not included in the tight bond between baby Carrie and herself. She childishly hoped she hurt Charles's feelings and even shrugged him off when he tried to coax her.

These are a few examples of the unexpected voice and behavior of Caroline toward her husband. Only once I remember from the Little House series how Caroline raised her voice at Charles, and she immediately apologized. The apology was not warranted, but she maintained such honor and esteem for her husband that she does not strike me as the kind of woman who would have harbored self-centered, bitter, or spiteful thoughts toward him. If she did, she would have extinguished those feelings or opinions immediately. She was mature, self-controlled, well-grounded, wise, and extremely focused on her own work. 

Now, I must give warning or a heads up about the intimacy between husband and wife, and the graphic breast milk descriptions, especially involving Charles. [Awkward.] There was more information than I needed to know about Charles that I cannot talk about. You will have to take my word for it. The real Caroline Ingalls would blush to know someone wrote about her husband (and herself) this way. 

Regretfully, Caroline was not written in the fashion that Little House fans are accustomed. What has been lost is the art of being discreet, not just in this story, but also in society. Having grown up in a time when men and women practiced being tactful, mindful, and prudent, Caroline taught these sensible standards to her girls. When writing the Little House series, Laura was deliberate to leave out private and personal matters, such as you-know-what. There is no purpose or reason to include these events or ideas. 

THE LOST ART OF BEING DISCREET

Speaking of nursing…let me apply a modern example of being discreet. Today it is all the rage to breastfeed in public. Because we are so self-absorbed, women think covering up while breastfeeding in public means we are being shamed; and being more protective of our pride than our bodies, we want to remove our cover and declare our right to feed our babies in public, ruthlessly, in need be. We think we are being noble and wise, but in essence, we have lost the art of being discreet. 

In our society, women do not bare their breasts in public for a reason - though that is fast changing; why think it is any different just because we are nursing? That cover is to guard what is ours. It is more than a prevention of offense or being mindful of someone else's feelings; it is to defend what is ours; it is a powerful protection of our business, property, and privacy. But we have sadly lost that. 

Instead, we want to do the opposite and carelessly and provocatively display ourselves openly, like Miller does in Caroline, which I think the real Caroline (or at least the one Laura portrayed) would be greatly ashamed. Maybe that is harsh to charge Miller with being provocative, but that is how I tie it into my culture today; people think it is more powerful to be shocking than it is to be discreet; but Caroline, through Laura, showed us otherwise.

IS THIS BOOK FOR YOU?

Little House fans will be tempted to read this, but you must be forewarned: it is not the Caroline Ingalls you know or are familiar. She is more like...me and you...a contemporary woman, more sensitive to and vocal about the discrepancies and grievances and discomforts of being a woman, a wife, and a mother. Yes, I am guilty of these things, too.

Heads up: there are a lot of breast and breastfeeding and breast milk scenes. And the intimacy between Charles and Caroline was not subtle and quite uncomfortable. I only read as much as I did because I was in shock that I was reading it at all. Eventually, I skipped ahead. I think I blushed more reading Caroline than I did Madam Bovary.

It is kind of a bummer because I wanted to enjoy it, but I am a disappointed. I have an ideal of Caroline Ingalls, and I want to keep it that way. Even if it is not the true Caroline, I like the one I already know more.

The First Four Years by Laura Ingalls Wilder

The First Four Years

Laura Ingalls Wilder

Published 1971

Little House-athon

⭐⭐⭐⭐

FIRST, A PERSONAL LIFE REVIEW

This is my second attempt to catch up on all of my book reviews. There are four more left.

Life keeps giving me distractions.

First it was the start of a new school year...the next week I was not well for a time, and in between I dealt badly with relationship issues (I thought I'd have a breakdown!)...the following week my girls had four consecutive nights of exhausting dance rehearsals, followed by four long dance recitals on that weekend...

...then Nutcracker auditions and waiting anxiously for three days to see who got the part of Clara...(Sophia didn't)...last week I had an emotional meeting with a friend who I had not seen in 20 years...next, my computer broke and had to go to the shop for a week...$500!..and last Saturday a very dear friend passed away. She was 92 and like a grandma to me.

But today, my husband came home early from work to tell me...he was let go from his job. He has been the GM for a manufacturing company for six years, in which he had been an employee since 2000. The company was acquired by a larger company this year, and we had suspected this could happen; except he was assured by the new owner that he would still have a job and report to him on Day One. Well, Day One was Tuesday, and technically, my husband still had a job and did report to his new boss.

However, Wednesday was Day Two...

I am not panicking, yet. I know God knows everything before hand and is in control of all these events and particulars.

Interestingly, my husband and I have been discussing relocating to Texas because we are discontented with the direction of California. Basically, my husband and I agree we no longer feel safe to raise our children here. (Ironically, my parents moved my siblings and me to California, in 1982, because they no longer felt safe about raising us in Brooklyn! And now my husband and I want to leave California for the same reason.)

Well, it is only day one of this dilemma, and my husband and I will be doing a lot of praying and trusting God and figuring things out. Maybe this an opportunity for us to move our family to Texas. (Big Question Mark.) Just saying.

NOW, MY BOOK REVIEW

Here I attempt to write a book review of a simple book...

Laura hated farming "because a farm is such a hard place for a woman." Almanzo suggested that they give it a try for three years, and if it failed, he would "quit and do anything [she wanted him] to do."

I promise that at the end of three years we will quit farming if I have not made such a success that you are willing to keep on.

It was true, there were things Laura appreciated about farming: horses, freedom, and spacious prairies. There were other reasons, too, and hence, agreed to give it three years.

In the first year, a hailstorm destroyed their crops.

In the second year, they had Rose. A blessing.

In the third year, Almanzo and Laura got into the sheepherding business, which helped bring in income. But they also both became sick with diphtheria. Laura recovered, but Almanzo did not rest long enough to recuperate, and it caused a stroke. From then on he would need Laura's help hitching up the horses and doing other chores.

In the fourth year, the year of grace, they lost almost all of their ten acres of trees. They had to give up on the tree claim, which cost them more money if they wanted to keep the land. Laura also had a baby boy, but he only lived a few weeks. Finally, a fire destroyed their home, forcing them to move in with a neighbor, until Almanzo built them a new house.

Was farming a success?

That depended on how you looked at it. Year after year, they had suffered bad luck and faced numerous set backs, but anyone could have experienced a few years of unfortunate circumstances. At least they did well with livestock.

She was still a pioneer girl and she could understand Manly's love of the land through its appeal to herself. 

Oh well, Laura sighed, summing up her idea of the situation in a saying of her Ma's: We'll always be farmers, for what is bred in the bone will come out in the flesh. 

On the Way Home by Laura Ingalls Wilder / Rose Wilder Lane

On the Way Home

Laura Ingalls Wilder/Rose Wilder Lane

Published 1962

⭐⭐⭐⭐

This is my second read of On the Way Home. (Here is a LINK to my first review.) Again, this is a super short journal entry record of the trip Almanzo, daughter Rose, and Laura took on their way to settle in Missouri, after leaving South Dakota. Mansfield, Missouri, would become their final home.

In her journal, Laura observed the condition of the land, the kinds of crops that grew in the area, the weather, the trees, plants, and wildlife. I was impressed with how she named trees and plants or flowers that she saw, which puts me to shame because I can rarely remember the trees and shrubs that my husband and I specifically planted on our own property.

Along the way, the Wilders met many other families doing the same thing. Laura called them emigrants, and many of them were Russian. Some were going north, some south, and some west. No one was satisfied where he was; therefore, they were headed to someplace they believed better. 

Before they left South Dakota, they camped near the James River. Laura was fond of the area. Upon leaving, she looked back to admire the scene, wishing she could describe its beauty. She wrote:

We all stopped and looked back at the scene and I wished for an artist's hand or a poet's brain or even to be able to tell in good plain prose how beautiful is was. If I had been the Indians I would have scalped more white folks before I ever would have left it. 

Yikes! That wasn't culturally sensitive. Or is it acceptable to talk about scalping white people? I can't keep up sometimes. 

For sure, Laura hated Nebraska. She described it as desolate and bare, without houses, fields, trees, or grass. She said it reminded her of Lydia Locket's pocket: "nothing in it, nothing on it, only the binding round it." 

Laura is referring to a little English nursery rhyme that goes like this:

Lucy Locket lost her pocket,

Kitty Fisher found it;

Nothing in it, nothing in it,

But the binding round it.

Obviously, it had changed somewhat, but the meaning is understood.

The next entry I noted was her description of the morning glories. One morning, as they started on their way, she wrote:

The wild morning glories are rioting everywhere, all colors like the tame ones. 

Around Prescott, Kansas, before entering Missouri, they met a family who had spent two months in Missouri and declared,

Right there is the place to go if man wants to bury himself from the world and live on hoecake and clabber.

They don't call it Misery for nothing. 

Once Laura and Almanzo found a place to settle, Laura ended her diary; but Rose filled in the rest, many years later. I did not include this in my first review, but here it goes. The money they had saved in South Dakota, to purchase the property in Missouri, was lost. Laura was enraged; especially when, as Rose recalls, Laura interrogated her to be sure Rose had nothing to do with its disappearance. (You know how a kid is often a parents' first suspect?) But she did not. When Almanzo calmly suggested that it might turn up, 

Laura flared out that he knew as well as she did, 'nothing turns up that we don't turn up ourselves.'

Imagine driving a covered wagon with the whole of your belongings, over 600 miles, only to lose the only money you had to buy property. I would be enraged, too.

Well, good news: they found the money, and they bought the property, and Almanzo began building their home, using resources and materials from the land. Rose recalled how Laura planned,

 a bookcase, no, two bookcases, big bookcases full of books, and a hanging lamp to read them by, on winter evenings by the fireplace.

Today, that home is a museum, and you can visit it; and yes, though visitors are not allowed to walk into the parlor and take a peek, there are several bookcases, full of books. 

These Happy Golden Years by Laura Ingalls Wilder

These Happy Golden Years

 Laura Ingalls Wilder  

Published 1943  

Little House-athon

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

In this episode of Laura's life, she was fifteen-years old, and Almanzo (almost ten years her senior) was courting her, though she did not know it. She took the job as schoolteacher on a claim twelve miles away, during winter, and had to board with a family she did not know. It may not have been so bad, living with this family, if it was not such a dreary, uninhabitable home; but because Laura wanted to earn the money to keep Mary in school, she bit her tongue and stuck it out. She must stay for six long weeks. 

When the first weekend approached, she expected to survive her time at the Brewsters somehow; but at the close of Friday, jingle bells and beautiful horse rescued her. And Almanzo, too! For the remaining five weekends, Almanzo took Laura back to the Brewsters, and picked her up Friday afternoon to drive her home again. 

I love how Laura laid down the law, after feeling guilty for his efforts to drive his horses 24 miles in freezing weather, and "for nothing." One day she garnered the courage to tell him:

I'm going with you only because I want to get home. When I am home to stay, I will not go with you any more. So now you know, and if you want to save yourself these long, cold drives, you can. 

But he still came the next weekend to get her. Laura thanked him, and he replied,

What do you take me for? Do you think I'm the kind of fellow that'd leave you out there at Brewster's when you're so homesick, just because there's nothing in it for me?

Then he admitted he "almost decided against it" because the temperature was below forty below zero (and no, that's not a typo). However, Cap Garland pricked his conscience and told him, "God hates a coward." Laura asked if he came because he wouldn't take a dare, and Almanzo answered: "No, it wasn't a dare. I just figured he was right." 

Laura survived her first school, and did an excellent job. Being away and in such horrid conditions helped her to appreciate her joyful, pleasant home and loving family even more. She was back at school with friends, and taking sleigh rides in town, with Almanzo. So that part about her not going with him anymore went out the window. 

One day a lady friend told Laura that 

An old bachelor doesn't pay so much attention to a girl unless he's serious. You will marry him yet.

Shocked, Laura replied,

Oh, no! No, indeed I won't! I wouldn't leave home to marry anybody.

Nonetheless, by summertime, Laura was going for buggy rides, with Almanzo. On one of those drives, Almanzo picked up Nellie Olsen, but that was a big mistake, and Laura put her foot down. It was either Nellie or her, and Almanzo had to choose. Poor Nellie.

Almanzo was breaking in some wild colts, and Laura was brave enough to drive them. When Cap saw her drive them down Main St., Almanzo told her that others said Laura wouldn't get into the buggy behind those colts, but Cap said she would. And Laura asked if he made a bet, to which Almanzo (clarifying that he himself didn't make a bet), 

I wouldn't bet about a lady.

Laura taught some more school, and finally ended her career as a student because it was official: she was going to be married. Almanzo, always the proper gentleman, gave her a ring and a date, and I suppose even asked permission of Laura's father first, long before Laura knew anything about an engagement. 

Long story short, the wedding plans needed to be moved up because Eliza Jane, Almanzo's sister, was heading west to take over to turn the wedding into more than Almanzo and Laura could afford; hence, Almanzo suggested a quick wedding at Rev. Brown's house, at the end of the week. Laura did not have time to make her wedding dress and had to be married in her brand new black cashmere, which I say is a pretty fine shade to be married in, if you ask me.

Laura, always the forward thinking woman, made sure there were no vows about obeying one's husband, and Almanzo "soberly answered," 

Of course not. I know it is in the wedding ceremony, but it is only something women say. I never knew one that did it, nor any decent man that wanted her to.

Laura assured him she would not say she would obey him, and Almanzo asked if she was "for women's rights, like Eliza?" Oddly, Laura answered no, but added that she "could not make a promise that [she] would not keep," and that she "could not obey anyone against [her] better judgment." Almanzo agreed.

And like that, they were married by the end of the week. It was bitter sweet, and I felt tears of joy and sadness choking me. Sorry to be dramatic, but I hate to see Laura leave her happy home, yet, it is a breath of fresh air to see her off with Almanzo. I know she loved him very much, and he was a picture of a true gentleman. 

The only thing rubbed me the wrong way was when he told Laura something like, "This time next month, you'll be making my pancakes." That just did not sound right, but I guess Laura knew that was exactly what she would be doing because he would be out in the elements doing back-breaking, stinky farm chores; yeah, I would rather be making his pancakes, too. 

One more item: and this is what tears me up: after they made it official, Laura and Almanzo had dinner at Laura's home, and then it was time to say goodbye to the family. Almanzo was, as usual, standing by to help Laura up into the buggy, but Pa interjected, and said,

You'll help her from now on, young man. But this time, I will. 

Golden years are passing by,

These happy, golden years. 

Little Town on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder

Little Town on the Prairie

Laura Ingalls Wilder  

Published 1941  

Little House-athon

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

"Sheep sorrel tastes like springtime," Laura said. 

"It really tastes a little like lemon flavoring, Laura," Mary gently corrected her. 

Heart Convictions

Now that the Long Winter was over, the Ingalls family returned to their claim. Little Town on the Prairie opens with Mary and Laura going for a walk, having a profound conversation about convictions of the heart.

Laura explained that she always saw Mary as very good and wanted to be like her; and Mary revealed that she was not good at all:

I do try, but if you could see how rebellious and mean I feel sometimes, if you could see what I really am, inside, you wouldn't want to be like me. 

I know why you wanted to slap me. It was because I was showing off. I was showing off to myself, what a good little girl I was, and being vain and proud, and I deserved to be slapped for it. 

Laura could not believe it, but Mary continued:

We are all desperately wicked and inclined to do evil as the sparks fly upwards. But that doesn't matter. I mean I don't believe we ought to think so much about ourselves, about whether we are bad or good. I don't know how to say what I mean very well. But -- it isn't so much thinking, as -- as just knowing. Just being sure of the goodness of God.

Laura thought about the goodness of God, and she realized that "Mary must be sure of it in some special way." Then Mary recited Psalm 23, "The Lord is my Shepherd..."

I am glad that Laura included this message in her story, whether it took place or not, or in that way. In fact, throughout her stories, she talks about her own heart convictions, and they are very honest; every child and adult, if he or she is honest with him or herself, will identify with these revelations.

Laura's Burden; Mary's Blindness

Laura was burdened about becoming a schoolteacher to help pay for Mary's college; she did not want to teach school, but she did want Mary to be able to go to college for the blind. When she pondered her burden and Mary's blindness, she resigned herself to teach school. At least, she still had her eyesight.

[Laura] saw the hoe, and the colors of the earth, and all the leafy little lights and shadows of the pea vines. She had only to glance up, and she saw miles of blowing grasses, the far blue skyline, the birds flying, Ellen and the calves on the green slope, and the different blues of the sky, the snowy piles of huge summer clouds. She had so much, and Mary saw only darkness.

Being Free and Independent

This is my absolute favorite part. (I listened to Cherry Jones' narration on audio, and she does a superb job reading this.) Pa took Laura and Carrie into town to celebrate the Fourth of July. A man led a rousing and patriotic speech to the crowd, including the reading of the Declaration of Independence -- the entire thing -- including all the offenses of the king. That is how essential it was to the folks of 1882. Being FREE AND INDEPENDENT, which is repeated again and again throughout the Little House books, is magnificently recognized, thoroughly encouraged, and carefully treasured. It is a major responsibility to keep and protect forever. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

Laura the Troublemaker

Mary finally went off to college, in Iowa, which was a sad time for them all; but they did not and would not dwell on their emotions. Laura and Carrie went to school, as well, and so began the adventures with Miss Wilder, Laura's future sister-in-law. (I always wonder how that turned out later, if they had to face each other. Awkward.)

Laura, the author, reintroduced her rival, Nellie Olsen, into the story. Nellie attended the same school as Laura, who was still holding a grudge against Nellie for calling Mary and her country girls back on Plum Creek. This came back to sting Laura when Nellie developed a superficial relationship with Miss Wilder.

Miss Wilder unfairly treated Laura and Carrie, and Laura defiantly protected Carrie, causing them to be sent home from school. Pa and Ma expected it to "blow over," and it did, although the chaos at school increased. Even Nellie encouraged the continued disrespect of Miss Wilder.

Eventually, the school board visited the school, and Miss Wilder blamed all of the disruptions on Laura. Back at home, Pa and Ma helped Laura evaluate what really happened. Apparently, when Laura, in her attempt to seek revenge on Nellie, referred to her family as "country folks," this made Nellie angry; and Laura admitted she desired to make her mad. But Ma asked Laura how she could be "so unforgiving." Pa explained that Nellie "twisted what Laura said and told it to Miss Wilder, and that's made all this trouble."

Gosh darn, Laura! You are such a troublemaker.

The whole time Laura was focused on her public appearance, not her wicked heart. She behaved and was careful to be good and obedient; however, inside she hated Miss Wilder (and Nellie), and she wanted to seek revenge.

Outside, she was shinning clean with good behavior, but she made not the least effort to be truly good inside.

It was only later that she thought of the Bible verses that speak about "the cup and platter that were clean only on the outside."

That's when Ma asked to write in Laura's new autograph book:

If wisdom's ways you wisely seek, 

Five things observe with care, 

To whom you speak, 

Of whom you speak, 

And how, and when, and where. 

The Budding Town

The budding town was growing and there was a need for social events. There were literaries, which were weekly gatherings for fun and entertainment -- kind of like watching America's Got Talent once a week. They included a spelling bee, charades, music and singing, a wax works display, and finally (what would be deemed utterly racist today), men in black face. There was also a delicious New England Supper. And of course there was always church.

Pa and Ma did not care for Rev. Brown., and neither did Laura. She did not care for his fire-and-brimstone, pulpit-pounding sermons, and she said she "amused herself...by changing his sentences in her mind, to improve their grammar." Once there was a revival meeting, and listening to Rev. Brown, 

for one horrible instant Laura imagined that [he] was the Devil.

The revival meeting description reminds me of the salvation/baptism scene in There Will Be Blood, starring Daniel Day Lewis. Imagine Rev. Brown here:

Laura Proves Herself 

Finally, the students had their own public exhibition, demonstrating their scholarly knowledge. Laura had one of the heaviest roles, reciting pages and pages of history. Because of her superb presentation, Mr. Brewster, homesteader from a neighboring area and school board member, approached her. He was looking for a teacher, and when he heard Laura at the exhibition, he knew she was the schoolteacher his school needed. 

And so, Laura's burden of becoming a schoolteacher had arrived. 

Stay tuned.